Do not force others to adopt your views

Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education.  However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.

…It is the spirit of free inquiry.  I think Westerners can accept this, because you understand it.  If you can find a way to organize it globally, it will be a happy event for the world.

The Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Thinking about all the mudslinging, protests, and general negativity involved in political and social discourse in this country, this quote shows the faith that Thich Nhat Hanh has in us to work through our differences in a more compassionate, rational fashion.  It doesn’t seem possible to have a meaningful discussion with people who yell at the president in the middle of an address to a joint session of Congress, citizens who scream words like socialist and Nazi to those who believe in health care for everyone, or religious zealots who shout homophobic slurs at funerals of those who die of AIDS.  Those who engage in such behaviour are not interested in getting others to understand their ideas, they just want to be the loudest and get the most attention.  They are not interested in dialogue.  They are not interested in democracy.  They use scare tactics, they use controversy, and they don’t care who they hurt.  The thing is, those who behave like that are really hurting their cause–and themselves. 

Teaching our children to be compassionate, free-thinking, decent people should be an easy enough concept for everyone to wrap their heads around.  But so many people raise their kids to be mini-me, clones of everything they think and do, instead of being proud that they are just good people who have the ability to reason and make independent decisions that might be the opposite of what their parents think.  You certainly instill your views in your children, but more importantly what I think is essential is to make sure that they can think for themselves.  I certainly hope my kids don’t grow up to believe in everything I stand against (homophobia, racism, misogyny, Republicanism, etc.), but I want them to think reasonably about society’s issues, I want them to research and come to their opinions in an intelligent fashion.  I hope that everyone does these things instead of forming their political and life’s philosophies from Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, Glenn Beck’s crappy TV show, or Heidi Montag’s endorsements (extra points for you if you have no idea who Heidi Montag is!). 

Only through compassionate dialogue can we really make any change.  We have to resolve to be happy and peaceful in our own minds before we can conduct ourselves with compassion and respect for others and their views.  In recent weeks, I have had many debates with friends and strangers over various political and social issues, and sometimes the discussion got ugly, though not with those I actually knew.  I don’t want to have knock-down, drag-out fights with anyone, really, but especially not with those whom I call friends.  But at least the friends I have argued with know what they are talking about, their arguments have been based on fact and not simple passion.  I have tried to explain why I think the way I do to those whom I do not know personally, but they usually resorted to name-calling when confronted with the facts.  Not knowing these people all I have to go on is what they said and the way they said it.  I can come across as a know-it-all, condescending, and holier-than-thou, and I am aware of that.  Sometimes people do not use the rights words when they present their argument, they do not have any facts to back them up, and they just seem angry at the world more than anything.  It’s difficult to reason with people like that sometimes, and I can’t usually contain myself when correcting their bad grammar and spelling and their lack of evidence.  I never call anyone names, I never assume anything about them.  I try to be reasonable with them, but I don’t usually get that in return.  I am not trying to get them to change their opinion, necessarily, but I am really trying to understand their argument.  Unless I understand someone’s argument I cannot say whether I agree or not.  Not everyone is very articulate, but that does not mean they cannot get their point across in an effective manner.    

I’m not sure about the education part of this quote, unless he is referring to schools that indoctrinate children into believing in a particular political or religious view.  Education can mean many things, but if he’s referring to formal education then I agree.  But you have to educate your children, you have to educate others around you about issues about which you care deeply that they may have no idea about.  But we must be careful about how we present our views sometimes, because what we may see as sharing a simple opinion may be seen by others as forcing our ideas on them.  Compassionate dialogue is a wonderful concept.  I am extremely passionate about my views and try to get others to understand, but that is different from trying to get everyone to think like me (though I’m not always sure that that would be such a bad thing!).  The fanaticism and narrowness which are in such abundant supply in 2009 America are startling, but in a democracy are things we must work through as individuals committed to compassionate dialogue that is based on respect for others and the good of all.